Restlessness

So in the last few weeks I've come to find that there is a restlessness in my soul surrounding my professional life. Things have been changing and while I have loved what I've been doing to date, there are days, like any human, where I'm finding some of the change doesn't match my vision for MY future. Even more so, I've found that my skills are progressively being underused and as of today I'm a highly overpaid Admin. Most people would have coasted, submitted full hours and expected pay for that time, after all we live in a society of "it's not my fault" and I know far too many people who would have sat idly by taking a pay cheque for no personal investment of time, effort or productivity.

Some days I wish I were wired like that...luckily that feeling is rare and fleeting.

Instead, I've worked minimum hours, got the job done, and billed accordingly for my time. Two years ago I became a Business Consultant, as a result of meeting and having had the distinct privilege of working for someone I respect and admire, and he's encouraged my professional growth and that I take entrepreneurial chances that I've never been encouraged to do by ANYONE before. It's been crazy fun and tumultuous, but during that time I've not had to worry about providing for my family, and in fact, his recognition of my skills has allowed me to build skills, marketability and billing accordingly.

Recently, he's suggested a partnership that would take my talents and gifts and exploit them. This is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. It would push my boundaries and make me grow again. Change is scary.

As I begin the researching and planning this prospective opportunity I find myself facing moments riddled with fear and uncertainty. Somewhere within me, I know I can DO it, the question is, with all the risk involved do I WANT to? Do I want to start another business? How is this going to effect my work with other clients, current or prospective? What will this do to my income? Will I become too focused to focus on other revenue streams? Do I want to go through the fears, frustrations and failures that entrepreneurship inevitably brings with it? Clearly I'm my biggest hurdle.

Just the thought of it exhausts me. Just the thought of it exhilarates me...I'm still not sure what direction things will take but WOW what a ride it is becoming!

Today I choose to breathe and trust that it's all going to turn out in the end, because as a wise person said to me not that long ago....