I'm No Keyboard!

It's funny how some people have the ability to seriously PUSH my buttons. 

Mostly I recognize that button pushing is about ME and my issues. 

While I'm not Ingrid Bergman there are times when I let others make me feel totally like I'm being gas lit.--Gaslight, 1944, look it up, great movie--It doesn't change my reaction, or the fact that there are always a few minutes of absolutely irrational frustration and anger on my part. Every. Single. Time. 

You sound so innocent

All full of good intent

You swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

And ride off into your delusional sunset

Here's the thing. I can't stop the reaction. That is my humanness. Too many times, the emotions it brings up in me will spill over into my life for hours or days. 

For that I say to my little family: I am truly sorry.

Yesterday in a fit of frustration I got verbally spanked by one of my bff's. 

Momentary aside: thank you darling for always calling out my shit and somehow managing to make me feel so damn loved at the same time--you do know that this is reason 798 why you are such a great mom, right?

She was absolutely right. Others DO NOT have the right to write MY story. I need to kick them the hell off my keyboard and write my own story. 

How I handled it was extremely mature...Kyle came home and found me making supper and possibly maybe dancing awkwardly as I did. I should be noted, that I had earbuds in so I was the only one hearing the music. 

What I was doing is letting the words sink into me, the lyrics helped me to take my "keyboard" back, at least momentarily.

Here the words that I 'spoke' to myself via the song I was dance-cooking to:

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside 

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by 

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked 

So let me thank you for your time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast 

I hate to break it to you, babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me 

Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you'll never see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You've got the talkin' down 
Just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me 

Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide.

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me. 

Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be.
Who died and made you king of anything?
Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me.
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be.
Who died and made you king of anything? 
Let me hold your crown, babe

And the video to go with!