Attitude of Gratitude

So for some odd reason I woke up in a really grateful mood today.

Which is a little incongruous with the fact that my water heater blew up the other day, my job currently sucks and I may have to have additional eye surgery in the next 6 months...BUT my life is still awesome.

Part of it has to do with being woken up this morning to nature rumbling, I love a good thunderstorm. Being snuggled by the most wonderful man didn't hurt either. Two cute little boys awake and happy on the sofa giving their mama kisses and cuddles was pretty terrific too.

I think my attitude today really came from the messages that I woke up to though. A good friend expressing her joy in the world and in a relationship she had abandoned hope of having. Another good friend close to reaching some fitness goals that seemed huge not that long ago. Yet a different friend opening her home up to accommodate and promote several friends with home based businesses.

It's the love and generosity of the day that made me feel so small in the big picture of life, but in a really good way.

So to deal with the 'hiccups' I've been proactive:

a) The water heater is being fixed later this afternoon, so the troll hair shall cease to exist by bed time!

b) Kyle and I have become proactive about what our dreams are, something of which we shall be sharing with the world in the coming weeks...and NO we aren't getting married, and NO we aren't having a baby and NO we aren't buying a puppy...but its creating the restlessness and gratitude I feel today as well.

c) I'm going to continue to do what they eye doctor has instructed and hope that the issues heal themselves on their own...and even if they don't, I've been enjoying corrective lens free vision for a month now! How amazing is THAT!

So yes, our bank account is hemorrhaging money faster than we can keep up. Yes, work has been a emotional drain, and yes, facing another surgery is scary BUT it all means I'm alive and that in an of itself is totally wonderful.

Uninspired...

I'm uninspired today...uninspired and unmotivated. I'm really not myself.

With the changes that are taking place in my life right now its pretty difficult to mentally show up in a space and place you know you are spending a finite amount of time in.

And in the last several days the direction I need to take has become clear, which is making the backwards glance that is today really difficult.

How do you invest a resource like time, which you can't get back, in tying up loose ends and finishing something that you're no longer really a part of?

I'd rather squander my time doing something pleasurable, thank you.

For me the hardest part isn't that our water heater blew up last night and I'm tired, though that isn't helping me right now. Its that I'm no longer passionate about the work I'm doing today. I'd rather focus on the future and where it is leading. Now THAT energizes and excites me!

It just happens that I'm one of the fortunate few who has had an opportunity to do what I love AND be compensated for it. This makes what the work I'm now doing, what the role has become out of necessity and no wrong doing on anyone's part, so tiring and energy draining. It isn't what I love.

So as drained and uninspired as I am I have to remember that once this job too inspired and excited me, brought me enthusiasm and focus because: