Letting go of the ex

Letting go of the ex

It's funny, last night my spousal-equivalent and I were having this exact conversation. And talking about how 'nuts' some people are when it comes to the end of a relationship.

This conversation happened because a friend of his asked some advice about the ex and hurt feelings involving a relationship that took place months after they had broken up. My spouse's advice? MOVE ON.

Recently we were visiting with friends who had broken up more than a year ago but still see each other regularly WITH the new love interests in tow. This situation made it uncomfortable for US but they seemed perfectly ok with the whole situation.

They didn't seek our advice but had they, we both would've said: MOVE ON.

I'm 'friendly' with several ex's, but I don't seek deep involved relationship with them where I feel the need to check in with them on what could even begin to be perceived as a 'regular basis'.

When my ex husband and I split up, I took nearly a year and a half before I began truly dating again. I had no inclination to 'fix' the hole that was left for my children and I with a band-aid of another man. I fixed that hideous gaping break-up hole, by fixing me, becoming comfortable with who I am and building a pretty terrific life with my kids.

During this phase I had several friends whose long term relationships were ending around the same time who were actively looking for that replacement, or spending time with their ex when an immediate replacement isn't available. They were on dating sites, losing their minds over the ex's behavior, and generally running from what was wrong. And I'm not saying I didn't lose my mind somewhat too, I just didn't feel justified in bringing anyone else with me on that journey under the guise of 'dating'.

I struggle with the concept of 'needing' to be friends, I know sometimes its hard when you have the same social circle. But friends will adapt to the break up if they really are your friends. And yes, sometimes "sides" are chosen. That's life, it happens even without break ups.

My advice to those driving themselves crazy with a relationship they need to let go of is to do what I did for myself after my 15 year relationship and 12 year marriage fell apart was to get to know me again.
To focus all that energy that HE didn't deserve seeking the best revenge...living an amazing life without him.