First 'Body Shaming', is the next advent 'Family Shaming'?

I've been reading a lot lately about blended families and how couples are "making it work", "vacationing together", "sharing holidays", and how they are able to "put aside differences for the sake of the children".

For a family like ours that still deals in issues borne of acrimony and court, that isn't an option and it feels a little like the whole issue of the California mom accused of Body Shaming other moms with balancing her workout regime, diet and family to become über fabulous, darhhhling!

To be clear, I get what the women accusing Michelle Pekarsky of Body Shaming we're feeling--Inadequate. 

Like they had somehow failed to be the "perfect" mother as media makes us feel we need to be. But instead of owning their pain or feelings of inferiority, they lashed out to reverse body shame. This doesn't help anyone, nor does it address the societal issues of "I'm better than you and here's why" mentality. 

Reading these articles about blended families who are working together DOES make me feel inadequate. But that feeling belongs to me. It isn't the fault of others who have figured out what works for them and then can continue to make that work. This feeling is fully on me as I long for a more amicable situation, but trying to force that upon someone who doesn't share the same position doesn't work. No one wins, least of all the kids. 

In our world we make things work as best we can. It's imperfect and hard and at times so incredibly frustrating but it IS our best. We are just humans and we don't have all the answers. We are blended in that I have an ex-husband with whom I have 4 children. The kids live with me and my common-law spouse primarily and see their dad often. He is their dad and we make sure they know he will always be no matter what. My spouse is often referred to as 'other dad'--especially when the kids want to curry favor. 

In times of conflict he can often been heard saying to them "I am not your dad but I am the adult in the room at this moment who loves you and you know what our rules are." This is what works for us. We parent with our rules in our house. 

At their dad's they have another set of rules. Which is extremely hard for them but it is what we have control over. I'm slowly learning to let go of trying to have influence over the rules at "dad's", and it isn't easy for me as a human, but it's necessary as a mom. 

Sometimes embracing the imperfection is the actual challenge. Or maybe there is perfection in the messy, chaotic, well-lived life? 

To the blended families out there making it work, I sincerely commend you and applaud you. To the moms and dads out there feeling like you're screwing your kids up daily, I applaud you. You're doing your best and that is enough. We are on your team playing along side of you.