To Make a Life Instead of a Living

To relieve stress some people work out, others shop, I cook. This week I've baked bread, made chili chocolate truffles, and a pot roast, I've baked brownies, and made Jambalaya with cheddar bacon biscuits and potato salad, among other things. The kids sometimes ask why I do these things, especially when it is 'easier' to buy the similar equivalent at the store.

Easier isn't always the right answer. Two years ago I could have put my family second to the decision to walk away from a lucrative contract with immoral clients. I could have fought to stay in the role I'd been filling and continued to pour my time and energy into people who could have cared less about me.

Financially we would be far ahead. Our family would not be though.

During this time of our lives, where choosing for me to stay home primarily as our priority, making meals from scratch is not only a pleasurable exercise for me, but also pragmatic. Its healthier, and its cheaper. But in the end it really isn't about food, or budget, or health. Its about our whole family learning, adjusting, and adapting.

This hasn't been the easiest transition for any of us. The kids know that we won't drop things to run to the mall, or "just go to" McDonalds because they want it at that second. Our purchases are tending to be well thought out, planned for, and earned. The children are learning a level of consequence to action and the value of working to earn what their "wants", versus the 'demand and therefore it gets supplied' version of life that they see around them. We, as parents, are learning to balance and plan and adjust as well.

Every evening we have dinner as a family, at the dinner table. During dinner we discuss family stuff: who is doing what? What concerns do we need to address? What did everyone do during the day? Why is there never a meal where everyone likes all the food served? When will we not hear the proclamation "I don't like that!"? Who has homework?

Recently, the kids brought up that, in their opinion, there was a decided issue of not getting their demands met by satisfactory supply in the manner to which they wished to become accustomed. During this family discussion we explained that there was a fairly simple solution to their concerns, that I go and get a full time job, and things go back to how they were 2 years ago. They take care of each other before and after school, take on more chores and responsibilities, and have to arrange the rides to and from school, etc, etc. Then I asked: "Do you want mum to get a full time job and not be at home during the day any more?" Having laid out the consequences versus the gains from mum working full time, their answer was unequivocally NO!

Somehow they seem to understand that we work around their needs vs wants, and we manage. Lifestyle HAS changed, and there is much juggling financially. Schedules look very different from the past when 6am wake ups and being at the office by 8am and home after 5pm , dinners out, and having extra cash was the norm.

Instead, most mornings are like this morning when I was kissed awake by our boys after listening to their giggle filled conversation with "Other dad" as he woke them up for the day. I drank my coffee as they made their own lunches and breakfast, a routine we've established to teach the boys to care for their own needs and not expect to be served. Laundry is done and caught up, folded and put away. Dinner is ready for later. The kids will be picked up after school by their parents, cuddles will be had. Work will get done. And I'm wearing pants.

My bank account may be pretty dismal, but my heart is super full.