Monday, June 25, 2012
This year my dad will turn 70. The other day when we were driving home with the oldest child, I said something to her that really stuck with me.
She was upset that the day before, on Father's Day, during brunch with us, my dad talked about going fishing with the kids this summer, and my ex-husband.
Things with the ex are tenuous at best. Like any divorce, it's messy, undignified and frustrating. Anger, resentment and accusations fly from time to time, but for the most part we keep our lives separate from the ex and just live.
In recent months, the oldest one has decided to live with Kyle and I full time. Her dad has responded to this by ignoring her and making her feel guilty. So when my dad, deliberately excluded us by including him, it hurt and angered her. In her eyes, her own father isn't loving her and now in her eyes, my father isn't loving me by this action.
During the drive home I said to her that even if she hates fishing, that she really should go. Dad is going to be 70 and our time with him is finite. I do not want her looking back and feeling like she's missed out on him because she was angry.
I know that I have. And both pride, history and being my father's daughter, doesn't allow me to speak up and say "hey daddy, please include me!" I would love to spend time with my father, especially knowing how limited a time we have left in this world, each breath, every moment that we take for granted may be the one that leaves a deep regret.
My daddy will always be my daddy. My love for him will always be there, running deep. Even when we're not included I appreciate the moments when we are, when I can look at my daddy and see his face.