I find my heart longs for different outcomes in many of my past relationships. And this blog has probably been my most vulnerable place to have a voice, as a simple Google search will bring it up for some of the people who will know by the content that it is them I speak of.
The quote below really struck me, because what I'm struggling with is the ability to 'finish the old business' some things, like family, divorce, or situations where you have no control to confront or fix things, leave you (read: me) feeling somewhat powerless to forgive or even move on.
The parameters, the stipulations, the expectations can never be met. The standard never attained. I completely accept this, however, it doesn't reduce the level of hurt by actions and words that are spoken at me. By the lack of love or pride that is given to me.
In so many ways this relationship has caused me to create many control issues in my life, and even as I grow up at age 40, and learn to let go more and more, I realize that what I can control is the legacy.
So instead, I have resolved to create a legacy of love, laughter, pride and respect for my children. The control I can exert over my life is to show them the unconditional love I long for. I can show them that when someone makes you feel a certain way you still have choices. They will always know that however good, or bad those choices, their mother loves them.