The 411 on Your Credit Score

This entire piece is credited to the FaceBook Post by O'Brien's by CAA. 

The 411 on Your Credit Score:

You know your credit score is important—but, if you’re like most, you probably don’t exactly know what it means. But, it’s key to your financial future to understand what goes into it (and especially if you have a low score, what you can do to bring it up to par). Here’s a quick overview on everything you need to know about your number.
What does the number related to your credit score mean?


Your credit score is a number between 300 and 850, calculated using a standardized formula from the information on your credit report. A score below 600 is considered poor, and anything above 720 is excellent. 


Why is it important?


Basically, the higher your credit score, the lower the risk a lender assumes in giving you a loan. With a great credit score, not only will you more easily qualify for everything from credit cards to car loans and mortgages, you’ll also pay a lower interest rate—saving you lots of money in the long run. Not looking for a loan? You should know that landlords and prospective employers can check your credit as well. 


What’s on my credit report? 


When you look at your credit report, you’ll see that it’s made up of four main parts:


Identifying Information: 


This includes your name, address, social security number, birth date, and employment—and has no effect on your credit score. It gets updated from the information you supply when applying for a loan.


Trade Lines: 


These are all of your credit accounts—car loans, student loans, mortgages, and credit cards—along with your available credit, the balance of what you owe, how long the account has been open, and your payment history.


Credit Inquiries: 


This shows the number of times you’ve applied for new credit in the past two years. 
Items on the Public Record: 


This is information gathered from your provincial court record, including bankruptcies, foreclosures, repossessions, civil judgments, and wage garnishments.


How does all of this end up as one numeric score?


The data in your credit report is grouped into five categories, each of which is weighted and factored in to the calculation of your score. While the importance of each category ultimately depends on your credit history (for instance, if you’ve got a great score but limited credit history, you’re treated differently than someone who has 20 years of credit), here’s how it roughly breaks down.


35% Payment History: 


Paying your bills on time is the biggest thing you can do to keep (or build) a high credit score. Even if you can only make the minimum payments on your credit card, sending them in when they’re due will do the most to maintain your credit score. How much a delinquent payment will adversely affect your score varies. If you forgot to make last week’s credit card payment, don’t sweat it: You’ll probably pay a late fee, but anything paid within 30 days of the due date is not going to be reported to the credit bureaus. Late payments show up on your report as 30, 60, or 90 days late, and if the account gets turned over to a collections agency, that will show as well. (If it’s a one-time slip up, you can ask the lender not to report your mistake. There’s no guarantee they’ll agree, but it doesn’t hurt to try if you’ve got a good explanation.) 


30% Amounts Owed: 

This is most important when it comes to revolving credit lines (such as credit cards and home equity lines). Maxing out the credit that’s available to you will significantly impact your score when you go to apply for more. Especially when you’re just starting to establish credit and have only a few accounts, try to keep the balance on your credit cards below 50% of their limit. Also, showing that you are paying down your installment loans (loans that you pay down over a predetermined period, such as car loans and mortgages) proves that you’re adequately managing your debts. 


15% Length of Credit History: 


The longer your credit history, the higher your score may be. A lengthy history of on-time payments shows a lender that you manage your money well. 


10% New Credit: 

Applying for several new loans or credit cards within a short time period can raise red flags. But don’t use that as an excuse to not shop rates. Inquiries from a few car dealers or multiple mortgage lenders around the same day shouldn’t impact your credit score—actually opening a few new loan accounts, however, will.


10% Types of Credit Used: 


You may have heard of “good debt” versus “bad debt.” Mortgages and installment loans (loans that you pay down over an established period of time) are typically considered “good debt” by lenders, because you’re not going to be increasing the balance at any point. Revolving loans, like credit cards and lines of credit, sometimes get a bad rap because you can max them out at any point. Your credit report, though, looks for a mix of credit types. If you’re just establishing credit with your first car loan or an introductory credit card, your score may be slightly lower.


How do I check my credit score and report? 


Visit annualcreditreport.com. You’re entitled to three free copies of your credit report each year, one from each of the major credit reporting bureaus (Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian). And take advantage of it—you’ll want to make sure you recognize each of the trade lines on your report. If something looks amiss, get in touch with the credit bureau ASAP to file a dispute. The report itself will not include your credit score; but you can find yours out for free with a site like Credit Karma. (Be wary of less-than-reputable credit checking sites that charge for their services—you shouldn’t have to pay.) 

Click here to go directly to Equifax Canada and find out how you rate!


I have a low score. What can I do—and how long will it take to bring it up? 


Unfortunately, there’s no quick answer, as it varies widely based on your situation. We recommend consulting with someone who can walk you through your budget and financial portfolio to see what you can do to improve your credit. Meanwhile, review your budget to make sure that you can at least be making the minimum payments on your current debts on time. Then, focus on bringing up to date any accounts you’ve let go delinquent or that have been transferred to a collections agency. Can you consolidate any of your debts? Lenders may be able to make some modifications to your current loans to help you afford your payments. Be proactive and recognize that raising your score won’t be easy or immediate—but it will be worth the work.


What if I don’t have credit? How can I get started? 


It’s a good idea to plan ahead when it comes to your credit, especially if you’re looking to qualify for a large loan like a mortgage at some point in the future. You’ll need to build your credit history with smaller “secured” loans, often with a co-signer or higher interest rate car loan. Your starting point could be a lower limit secured credit card (which means that your bank has set aside a sum of money from your accounts equal to the credit limit on your card). Car loans are also a typical introductory loan, because the car serves as collateral, though you may still may have to make a down payment up front.

If you're struggling with this or other finance related issues, email me, ajanzen.wfg@gmail.com and I'll show you how I got my life back, my finances in line and can finally breathe easy!

The Five Year Plan

"Do nothing and the next 5 years will be the same as the last 5. Is that what you want?"

Nearly three years ago I was at a business presentation that ended with those words. Facing life as a single mom, with very few viable financial options this resonated with me deeply.

Today I face life completely differently, but it isn't simply because my personal life has changed. It is because *I* have changed. 

Following those words I began a journey of education that has provided me with financial stability, confidence in my decision making, and accountability to myself in both these areas. I've met new people, stepped (been SHOVED) out of my comfort zone, and learned more about myself, my strength and what I can survive, grow from and thrive because of. 

Basically I've learned about the fundamentals of money, protecting my family and in the process made fundamental changes to the way not only I think about my financial situation but also the way my kids think about money too.

When I began the plan I had no idea how much my life would change, and it all began with a simple thought.

"I will never again be stuck in a place and space that leaves me hopeless."

I began to teach myself, and so began the 5 year plan. It doesn't matter if I fall down. I have. I simply stood back up. I've taken control of my time, my finances and my life. 

The goal of my 5 year plan? Emotional, financial and familial stability. Today I am over half way there on all counts. 

Honouring MY Calling

So it's official. I'm off the market. For some reason the last month or so I've felt the compulsion to apply for jobs over and over and over again.

I've been called for several interviews, which a mere matter of months ago would have fallen into my 'dream job' category.

Today we made a decision. I say we because in the last two years I've learned that my decisions aren't mine to make alone. Our family makes major decisions together. Kyle and I often discuss prior to talking to the kids about major things, but all major things include the kids opinions, thoughts, feelings and concerns.

Last week I took a short contract to produce an event next week. 10 days of doing what I love, not a bad thing. On Thursday even when we were telling the kids that we had to be gone all day the next day, our littlest looked at me and said "Mum, you got a job?"

This was said with such sadness and disappointment that a decision was made driving our first meeting Friday morning. Being home with the kids and working from home is more important than punching a time clock and having a regular pay cheque.

We are in the very fortunate position of being able to do that, not every family can. But as my kids get bigger we are realizing that being present, available and THERE is the most important investment in the kids lives.

So for today, I've been withdrawing my applications and planning for the next while to just simply be working from home mum.

The tale of the delinquent blogger...

I suffer from severe perfectionism....SEVERE. 

There are many psychological reasons, family history, experiences in early life that have led to my perfectionism issues, which also manifest in extreme fear of failure and the easiest way for me to often deal with this is to shut down (be lazy). 

I'm terrified of success because it means I need to risk failure to get there.

That is why the last few weeks have been nirvana for me. I've been failing forward, stumbling, shutting down, forcing through. I'm re-meeting me. 

I've lived life being afraid of telling people my dreams, because of an irrational fear that if I say a word about where I'm going with things, then that will 'jinx' it and then it won't happen. 

Sometimes its easier to quit than to keep moving forward.

So things I've learned being a #workfromhomestayathomemom:

1. I adore my kids. They are incredible amazing wonderful kids. And even more so, I love working from home.

2. I LOVE LOVE being an antisocial hermit. Do you KNOW how much work you can get done between 9-330 with no one to bug you and everything quiet in your house?

3. I still need a housekeeper because time doesn't work the same way from home as it does an office AND it turns out my house really doesn't clean itself.

4. I really love being a 'housewife' on the days that I am not too busy to be one. Knowing there is a man that loves us the way Kyle does is beyond immeasurable to me. So making sure he has supper, clean clothes and a tidy house when he gets home from work, is really an easy and wonderfully small thing for me to do for him every day. 

5. Trust is really hard for me, in spite of what people may thing. I'm learning to trust people to do the things they say they will so that I don't have to is difficult for me. I do other people's work too often. So I'm learning to let things happen as they need to.

6. Blogging about all of this has seemed silly to me, as if I don't have the same value as a 'working woman' might, so that is something I'm working on now.

7. I really love being home with my kids (yeah repetitive but it's true!)

So that is why I've been a delinquent blogger, and I apologize, I've been busy being a mom, 'wife' and friend...I'll check in again soon!

Courage

As a parent we face struggles and frustrations that at times are heartbreaking and feel insurmountable

Other times, we have the distinct privilege of watching our children grow into young men and women that far exceed our expectations.

This weekend one of my children made a bad choice, how she chose to handle it and learn from it has astounded me and made me so very proud of her. She has accepted her culpability and stood up, alone, in the face of her punishment and accepted the consequences with grace and dignity.

We couldn't be more proud of her, especially knowing that several of her friends have not shown the same strength of character. There are still many years and many mistakes ahead of her, but we have a great deal of confidence in the amazing human she is becoming. 

We are so proud of her. And as she stands somewhat on her own, away from the influence of friends, who have threatened her with the 'gift' of their conditional friendship, we as parents remind her: 

Seek treasures amid ruins...

Today I put this picture up on Facebook, because in the clouds of what I've been journeying through lately, came light. 

That light is me. My heart, my determination, my flat out refusal to let unethical choices that others make. The love and support of my family and those moments when I have a little one who is 'so happy mum is working from home'.

Sometimes the universe sends us the messages we need, right now in THIS place, where we are.

It doesn't send the answers, it doesn't make things clear. It just comforts in the place where we are and knows that the truth within is real. It gives strength in uncertainty. 

It is showing me the beauty of seeking treasures amid ruins...and how to fight back...

“Within tears, find hidden laughter
Seek treasures amid ruins, sincere one. ”
~Rumi

Unsettled

I kind of feel like this today. 

A little like I'm losing my mind...and my faith in myself is wavering.  Part of me is aching to just walk up to opportunity...and I guess in some ways I am doing exactly that. 

But I also waffle between absolute confidence in 'the plan' and wanting to push everything forward faster and faster. The funny thing, is in the middle of all of this I have peace in the decisions that have been made, in spite of me.

I know deep down that doors are being opened for me by this glorious universe, but remembering that while balancing my fears isn't as easy as it seems. So I go between confident and desperate need to control my future. 

I've got a terrible suspicion that my world is about to become infinitely more balanced, and busy at the same time, so I know that I should enjoy this time before the storm hits.  

A little help from you, my friends....

So yesterday after a conversation with my dear friend, big brother, and long standing accountability and business partner, Ray, I realized I need to start something.

For those that read my blog, know that I've been on a journey to get healthy over the last 4 years. Physically, mentally, financially, internally.

The physical is coming along, and say it separately from internally as I look at them as separate. I can work out and eat like crap and it won't help me. I can eat beyond healthy, but not be fit, hence the term 'skinny-fat'. So instead, I personally have to address them separately. 

Mentally has been a journey with both counselors through out the year as well as with a life coach. Right now, because I'm in an emotionally fabulous place I feel like it is even more imperative that I see someone to help me find my voice and my strength.

So financially, this is a tough one for so many. And this is the feedback I'm looking for. 3 years ago when I found myself alone as a single mom, the entire financial world for my four beautiful babies and I depended on me. Fast forward 3 years and I'm no longer alone in this, but I still worry like I am.

And my actions are those of a single scared mom. I make bad decisions, yet part of my career skill set is being an associate in the financial services industry. Ironic, right? Wrong, I'm human. I needed to learn about the financial world, and as a result I began helping other families experiencing the uncertainty that I was. 

Today, I'm trying to learn how to balance that knowledge of not being alone, with my own action of scaredy mom. This last week we've taken steps toward that, and even at this moment I'm supposed to be working on our monthly budget of set costs. But I think the journey might be helpful to others. 

So if anyone thinks I should do this, please let me know! I'm a work in progress!!!

Housewife???

I'm not sure if I'm happy. I'm not a wife. Yet the last two weeks-ish have been kind of awesome. I've been staying at home being a mom and housewife for all intents and purposes.

I've been taking time for me, making sure my house gets cleaned, reorganized, and overall just made better.

The kids are a challenge, but all in all, I'm enjoying this work from home, stay at home mom thing. I like not being that the mercy of a time clock, or being an over paid receptionist. I'm still not sure how I went from being an actual Business Manager (a Chief Operating Officer, without being an officer of the corporation), to being a coffee fetching, note taking, filing maintaining receptionist. Actually I DO know how it happened, and it is actually a legal issue that isn't resolved so that is a story for another time and place.

It would be a lie to say that I don't miss the structure of going to the office everyday, I do.  And I miss the office that I designed, contracted and watched grow into a lovely bright white space. But I don't miss the games, the high school behaviour or the nonsense. I have teenagers, I get that at home, thank you very much!

So on this new adventure of mine, while I figure out what I want to be when I grow up (again a story for a later time), I am enjoying the time with my kids who are growing too fast. Time with Kyle who I find has become intrinsically part of me, he just gets me, and who is enjoying the wonders of having a 'housewife' to take care of him.

And secretly, even though I don't have the answers, I'm learning that its ok. Part of me wonders if the universe is just dealing with my control issues, and teaching me to trust and love and KNOW I'll be caught, because I CAN trust.

Until then I'll be a bit of a mess, and try and figure out how this work from home thing goes (I can't work in disaster, so I'm becoming a "throw it out and deal with it like that" person, which can't be bad, right?

The fear I face....

I'm terrified of not being ok, every single day.

Part of the journey Celeste has me on is to make myself more vulnerable, less protected. I'm not sure how to do that, other than to write and see what the universe throws at me.

Over the course of my life perfection was what I strived for. What was expected. Failure is what I experienced, in fact I know how to celebrate my failures but struggle to celebrate triumph, as it is rarely good enough. Sometimes I wish I could just celebrate "wooo hoooo I woke up today!"

I've often mused that I don't play well with other kids. Sometimes what seems so simple to me, really isn't so instead of engaging in drama and messiness of conflict, I bow out. Most times fairly gracefully but I still bow out. Usually after getting in at least one parting shot, but I find confrontation terrifying.

I think I'm really afraid of being wrong, what if i went through all that agony and then wasn't right?!?

The thought just horrifies me. So instead I try and walk away. I hope people will do the right thing, and more often than not they sure do NOT do the right thing. So I chalk it up to experience, and hope that the next time I will do better.

At the urging of a good friend I'm reading "The Monk who Sold his Ferrari". I highly recommend it. Not much in it has been new, so much as an affirmation of what I've always known. Think positively, and things will happen for you.

The problem is that my fear takes over and I hear a voice telling me from deep deep down that I don't deserve it. So I fight that thought, that feeling, that dream I know to be true and possible.

In so many ways I don't know how to NOT strive to be perfect. How to fall apart and lean on others. So over the next while I'll be working through this, trying to figure out how to not hear the voices of others that have impacted me for so much of my past.

Not sinking...

This image keeps showing up in all my social media feeds lately. I believe the universe is may be telling me something about myself.

After my separation 4 years ago, I spent a year seeing a much needed counselor who, I now realize, mothered me when I most needed that unconditional love that I so deeply crave. Sharon is one of very few humans on this planet who I know sincerely and intentionally prayed for me, and for my children, by name. She didn't 'fix' things, or pretend that she could. But she listened and loved me. It was a strange situation for me, as Sharon had known me my whole entire life. She and her husband were some of the first people who met my mother when she arrived in Canada in 1971. They were some of the first people to visit me in the hospital when I was born, even before my grandmother, who was stuck in New York addressing the UN on children's and women's rights in India. This is one of the stories that shape my life, my being 3 weeks late so my granny missed my birth.

She knew much of my 'story', maybe better than I did. And instead of telling me about me and what was wrong, she showed me that unconditional love exists. She along with many have carried and shaped me.

Last week I went to a life coach, and one hour with her did more for me and stripping bare my soul than a year of counseling did for me. I don't want to diminish my time with Sharon. It was critical and exactly right for me then. I wasn't ready to open myself up at that time to more vulnerability.

But I am now.

In the first 10 minutes of our session Celeste saw me. No judgement. No dislike. She saw me for who I was and embraced me right where I was.

I've been 'told' all my life that I'm not good enough. So I strive for perfection. I'm now on a journey to be real and part of that is to open up myself to being imperfect.

My imperfection began before I was born, one of the first stories that shaped me was that I'm always late, starting with being 3 weeks late. As such as an adult I'm horrifyingly punctual if not early. I over compensate.

So over the next while I am going to continue with Celeste, and work to take down some of my walls, to trust the world to love me for who I am, to love me within my boundaries, and I'm going to trust my readers to see me.

For real. Holy crap this is scary!

...truth...

I'm struggling today. Someone I trusted, relied on, and believed in let me down. And even though it is a professional relationship, I find myself feeling sad.

Trust is a fickle and funny thing. Once it is broken it is so near to impossible to regain. The same with respect.

So I'm sad today. I'm pretty sure I've lost a friend, colleague and confidante, all because someone couldn't do the right thing.

Famous Failures

George Takei posted this picture this morning.

Talk about a reality check! It came on the heels of some stuff and nonsense for me this morning. The funny thing is that I know I haven't failed. Things change. Life changes. That is how it goes.

I keep having to remind myself that even in the GOOD cycle of life the phrase "and this too shall pass" is probably even more important to remember than in the bad phases.

Every day I believe more and more that life is giving me an opportunity to live my dreams right now. I'm so content for the most part with where things are going in my world. But I'm also ready for the next thing.

Under the Big Top...

Sometimes your the clown, sometimes you're the ringmaster....

Usually in my world I'm the ringmaster, I have control issues so it works.

Lately I've felt like the clown, and that is a feeling that is hard to reconcile. First of all, clowns are freaky and even though there is an association with much of the time they're creepy and terrifying (do a google search of clowns...that sh*t is messed up!) but secondly, my experience with clowns (in circuses I've seen) is they were well intentioned but taken advantage of or teased by peers.

I WANT to be the ringmaster damn it...but as with things in life, a series of circumstances and people aren't allowing that to take place. So I'm trying to be patient...and I'm trying to deal with the indecision all the while  I feel caught under the big top...

Alchemy of Great Work!

Yesterday my friend, Amanda, commented on my blog with the link to this video.

If you are struggling with your profession, direction or what you want to be when you grow up, then watch this. It is the most awesome 3:16 min of video I've seen in awhile...being a media girl, that's saying something!

Brilliantly encouraging and wonderfully put together THIS is exactly what I've been missing in my life lately. It is much of the missing piece, and in so many ways, permission to do what I need to do next. Taking those steps are big, knowing others in the universe are going through it too helps. A whole big LOT!

And I got called FIERCE yesterday...I like that...fierce is going to carry me through!

The Future Belongs to Me!

The last two days as I begin intentionally moving toward a different direction in life, I've had some huge inspiration, and incredible encouragement.

Watching my friend Candace train with dedication and endurance while being healthy about it is so inspiring to me. I long to be like her when I grow up. Focused, determined, FIERCE!

Today I had a meeting that has brought full circle an idea I have been working on for awhile, that missing piece that will make the journey I'm about to embark on just so much better. The meeting today was so encouraging, and filled me with energy and excitement about the future.

I've lacked that motivation for awhile now, that little piece that propels you out of bed in the morning to go do STUFF! Your important, amazing, motivating STUFF! And now the answers are becoming clear.

Still not really ready to fully reveal everything, mostly because some endings still need to take place. But this next step is going to be uncomfortable and a little scary...ok, a LOT scary...but the certainty of knowing this is exactly right for me, for right now, is propelling me forward to leap...

Serious Courage!

This is my girlfriend Candace. 

She's an incredible single mom and has work ethic that makes me feel lazy every day.

She also has courage beyond words. This weekend Kyle and I went out to film her football practice. At first when she told me that she was playing football I thought, wow, now THAT takes courage, as she's playing with the Saskatoon Sirens, one of the first Canadian LFL teams.

What is LFL? None other than the Lingerie Football League.  What people don't know is that this group of women are a bunch of really touch chicks. After seeing how hard they hit, how much they run, and the drills that they are going through at each practice I have to say my respect grew exponentially.

To not only have the courage to compete in certain attire, but to also have the courage to take some serious hits (both literal and metaphorical) as well as hit like a boy, well THAT takes courage.

Any of my girlfriends who are interested in running their asses off, getting an amazing workout and doing it all FOR FREE in the next few weeks are invited to come with me to a practice. Just message me and I'll let you know the times/dates. 

I dare anyone who is critical of these girls to come out and keep up for a whole practice...once you are able to do that, to compete at their level, then you can talk as much as you want, until then my hats off to these girls, you are personifying courage and athleticism. I'm impressed.

Dear Kirk Cameron...WTH??

I feel really sorry for Kirk Cameron. After reading the Huffington Post today, citing yet another moment when he's being exactly the OPPOSITE of what Jesus was all about, I just hang my head and wonder.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/26/kirk-cameron-anti-gay-advocate-rejects-gay-youth_n_1707570.html

I get that we live in a world where when you are looking for an image online under the heading "Christian" that you are going to find primarily results including: Christian Bale (Batman), Christian Louboutin (ohhhh my! Those yummy shoes!) and Christian Grey (masquerading as literature pathetically written!). That makes it hard for people passionate about their beliefs, I understand that.

But to not only attack a specific group of people is very unJesus. Then not have the balls (seems the only appropriate word to use here) to stand behind your belief and meet with the people who are wanting to open a dialogue with you? Yeah.....that is why I have such a struggle with my own belief and my own feelings about Christianity.

I've written about this before to much criticism but I'll keep saying it...if you're going to call yourself a Christian please for the love of GOD (see how I worked THAT in there!) realize what Jesus was preaching and about!!!

So to Mr. Cameron, I'd like to say this:

Jesus spent time with those you are shunning. The goal of healthy Christianity is to live as Jesus would have lived and to emulate that compassion, grace and lack of judgement. It is sad that you are using your celebrity to live exactly the opposite life style from what He preached, and from how He lived. Christianity isn't the words you say. It is the action you show.

I'd be happy to introduce you to a few people I know who give me hope in Christianity, as they love me in spite of my doubt and disbelief. They show me daily that there is hope for humanity through their love and acceptance. Two of them are Pastors, one of them is a mom living with beautiful intention, a few are just people living authentically and honestly.

Should you choose to argue the line of "But God says..." remember that God gives freewill and uses who he chooses and most of them were NOT the celebrity...

I truly feel sorry for you, and even more so, for your children.

Detoxing...

So I'm really trying to be healthier, and as such I'm detoxing right now to try remove the sugar addiction from my life, get back in control of my health and to lose that last little bit of weight.

After losing 25lbs this spring, I was still 10lbs off of my goal weight but overall thrilled with the loss I had accomplished. In July I gained back 6 of those hard lost pounds, so time is NOW to take control back.

I guess that two back to back weekends of lying on the beach, drinking beer and eating chips isn't a great way to maintain a healthy body. Period. Not body weight, but body. Following the lake it was daily dessert and snacks. Normally I prefer chips to dessert but I think having so fully detoxed my body of sugars prior to this little slip of mine, that my body craved sugar conversions to fuel it after eating like a bozo.

I felt like crap and was tired for weeks after. Having been detoxing for 4 days now I'm feeling kind of amazing. My energy isn't 100% but the cravings are pretty much gone. Last night I wanted the french garlic bread on the table for about 10 minutes so I got up and walked away.

So instead of garlic bread I'm eating very lean meat, veggies with extremely low sugar content and drinking a tonne of water. No fruits at the moment, I'm waiting a few days before I try a few of the lower sugar fruits to see if they trigger the cravings again.

I'm also working out in my bedroom because I'm not getting to the gym. No more excuses

The best part is I *AM* doing all of this for me. It's time for me to be the best me I can, and life is to short to squander on silly stuff.

Interesting thing is that I'm realizing that I'm also detoxing myself of people right now. People who don't give me energy or positive reinforcement and it's pretty empowering!

So I wonder if it was an unconscious thing for me or not to detox my body and my mind at the same time, either way this is a great way to truly enjoy this summer.

Writers Block....

Ok, so normally I have several posts in a day. Several of my posts have been ones that were 'sitting' written but hadn't published them...because here's the thing. I'm not feeling 'it'.

The "it" that is inspiration to write. Normally I love to write and put my jumbled thoughts into the universe, which I'm sure there are many people out there who would rather I didn't.

The advice to overcome this, I've heard, is that you need to write everyday, so today I am.....despite not really having much to say.

That is how I'm going to learn to blog consistently and find my writers voice...now not everyone is going to looooove my blogging, in fact, a couple of friends were talking the other day about how they could never blog, because of taking the feedback too personally.

I'll be honest, at first I did, but now it doesn't bother me any more. I generally delete anything negative, and the truth is 99% don't have the balls to do it in any way public. I get personal messages via FaceBook and Twitter about how much I suck. Whatever, haters be hatin', I really could care less.

Clearly I'm doing something right.

Which is why it annoys the HELL out of me when I don't know what I want to write, what will amuse me and therefore amuse others.

And to the haters who find themselves reading this remember...I don't force you here...this world is brilliantly filled with freewill. Exercise yours and don't worry, I'll continue to write and do my thing...because I can!

Its just a giant popularity contest

Today I'm working on my resume. I do this about every six months, to keep it current and so I am prepared for future client wooing. As I work on it today, I do happen to have a specific prospective client in mind as I tailor and polish.


I'm not sure why I hate doing this so much as it always reminds me of who I am, where I've come from and what I've learned along the way. The reminders are positive, the task is tedious.

The problem is that a) it's annoying to write out what you do and make it look cool, together and posh while avoiding making it look like a mess of crap, and b) it reminds me that when you give a resume you're attempting, via a piece of paper, to tell a total stranger why you are rockstar awesome!

My resume doesn't show my true abilities, or my quirky sense of humor. It doesn't express my fierce loyalty and how I'll take crap in order to protect the greater good. It doesn't tell you how vulnerable I can be or how confident you'll see me as. It doesn't share that I'm a really good person who tries to do the right thing and owns it when I make a mistake.

It really can't show you how great a partnership with me would be, or that I will work myself to crazy to make you (my prospective client) look good! It doesn't show you how much my kids and spouse mean to me, which, in turn, means to you that I'm pretty damn motivated to make our relationship (consider being my client) work! It doesn't cover that all I really want to do in this world is make a difference, and as such I'll work harder than anyone you've met to make you (are you my client yet?) look really good and make a difference in your life.

My resume sure won't tell you that what I may lack in formal education I can make up for by sheer will and enthusiasm to be the very best at what I do. I'll out research, out work and out enjoy making you (you're totally mine, client) look as rockstar amazing as I am.

But all you have is my stupid resume....

And all a resume is at the end of the day, is a sad entry form to a giant popularity contest, judged by the fickle person on the other side of the paper and it sucks. I feel six years old yelling "pick me, PICK ME!"

I'm a grown up, the time for this kind of stuff has long passed, I don't want you have to MAKE you like me, except you NEED to like me...otherwise I'l have issues...and I'll stalk you until you do like me.

Well maybe not, but its a tough thing to worry about what people who have never met you are thinking about you. To worry that you're not good enough for them.

Especially when you know deep down when something is right, and you just want it to happen now, to woo them successfully and be past this waiting and wondering and wooing stage!

But I still keep writing and revising this damn resume and reminding myself...

This is YOUR sign!

I love the scene in the Jim Carrey movie Bruce Almighty, where he's looking for a sign, imploring God and the universe to give him a sign.

What makes it so funny is how often I've looked back at life and the signs that lit the way and marked the path of my decisions, and I am forever thinking "how did I miss that!?"

Every journey and decision that I make has been littered with signs directing me, right from that tiny voice inside of me who were telling me where I needed to go and what I already knew deep down.

In the next few weeks I'm going to see a "Life Coach" because I'm starting to think that there are so many other signs that I'm missing and I really just want to live this incredibly full and amazing life. Every opportunity, or every ending, is the stepping stone to a new adventure, and life SHOULD be full of so many adventures.

So if you happen to be in a space today, where you don't know what to do, and you are not sure what is next or what to do. Sit quietly. Listen to the voice that speaks to your heart.

You know. You can. You will. Now go do.

Like Weekend Update but different!

More of Jen's Marvellous 1 am ramblings...the BLUE is my in my head commentary responses!

-dog attacked by beaver (who knew they could be vicious buggers?)

I’m going to guess this is actually a euphemism…seriously….dog? Beaver? You can’t make that shit up!!

-bad date rescue app (um, that seems like a lot of work for nothing...whatever happened to, I don’t know, telling the truth?  I mean it gets you out of the date but you still aren’t being very nice or fair, they’re still gonna think it’s tickety boo)

Designed for lazy scared people.

-hunk of ice twice the size of Manhattan cracks off Greenland (well that effectively renders every map and atlas useless now)

What’s scarier is if it DIDN’T!!! And really...why don't we get Atlas updates yearly like we do Webster's Dictionary updates? 

Anywho, on to what I’ve learned this week:

-those little fruit fly things?  Yeah, don’t sniff too aggressively when they’re near.  You will snort them.  And then they come out later when you blow your nose.  It’s quite gross...maybe there is merit to that wives’ tale that you eat 8 spiders while you sleep.  I always thought that was bunk but who knows?  I certainly don’t, I’m asleep!  How did they come up with that statistic anyways?  Watch people every night over a year?  That seems unethical to watch people eat spiders.  What if they’re poisonous?

If I can’t sleep tonight I blame you!!!!!!!

-Squishing spiders with steel-toed boots proves to be harder than one would imagine.  The suckers pull their legs in and scuttle about, with me stomping like an idiot and they always seem to fall where the crack in the sole of the boots is so they live.  I had to stomp no less than ten times tonight.  I’m sure that was fun to watch on camera lol.

Total absolute complete visual is making me laugh at my desk!

-it’s funny how you can have both something that makes you question humanity and have hope for humanity happen in the same day.  I’m choosing to stick with the hope for humanity and focus on that.  I guess that makes me an optimist after all, even though it is a frustrated one!  It turns out I’m also a frustrated perfectionist lol!

Right!?!? This is me everyday! Every time I think the world couldn’t disappoint me more and humanity has gone to hell something happens to restore my faith…sort of.

I often wonder if it isn’t that humanity hasn’t really changed much BUT the fact that so much is fed to us through media now that we are just so hyper aware that humanity isn’t really changing or evolving it’s just more accessible to despise humans, you know?

-Co-op was playing old school rap.  That shit never gets old!  Plus I got to embarrass my kid while I tried to rap along and remember the words...I believe that is called win-win.

Did you do all the sick moves too? Cuz that would’ve been EPIC…sorry A but your mama is FUNNY!

-Apparently I type loud and it’s bothering the nurse on the unit I’m on.  It’s not bothering me.

I feel your pain…Kyle reached over at the optometrist today to turn off my ‘volume’ on my phone…apparently the clicky noises bug him…no pleasin’ some people I tells ya!

I was going to comment on the other point you put in but that is between you and you know who but lets just say it makes me super happy to hear your ramble at 1am and to know you’re so happy. I’ve waited a long time (almost 2 years now!) to say this:

SEEEEEE!!!??? Isn’t it just amazing!?!?!?